It feels impossible to find time to meet. Check your calendar for openings, notify me of availability, and see what might look good in the next few weeks. Six months later we are in the same place. Sync schedules, pivot to Google Calendars, and submit a Doodle poll. Nothing. Our calendars have less empty space than the Trader Joe’s parking lot.
And yet, we get bored. We wish we had more friends. We say we want more community. We acknowledge that we spend too much time online and streaming. It’s not that we lack time; we lack structure.
We all thrive on structure, even those of us who resist it. Certain cadences govern our days for food, drink, hygiene, sleep, productivity, and exercise. These things don’t happen by accident; they happen because we submit to structure. Even God chooses to live within structure. Isn’t it wild that God rests on the seventh day (Gen. 2:2)? He gets to take a vacation day before he even finishes his first week on the job. But meaningful rest must always follow meaningful work.
Sabbath is the most important weekly observance of Jewish life, and even makes it into the Ten Commandments (don't kill, don't steal, take Saturdays off, don't lie). Don't try to bump it to another day or catch the recording of the livestream, Shabbat is written in stone. Ask your Jewish friends to start reading Torah on Tuesdays so that they can tailgate with you on Saturday and see how that goes. Abraham Heschel calls it “holiness in time.” Sabbath produces rested people who know that rest is always coming. It produces people who live in community, who anticipate the next gathering. People are waiting for you, so join them. There is no fear of missing out; everyone else is taking the day off, too. Jonathan Sacks says this weekly habit renews our social fabric. We cannot be with our community if our community has not also made the commitment to be with us.
Islam has five prayers a day. Judaism has Sabbath and holy days. Catholics and Orthodox traditions are marked by liturgical calendars. And then the rest of us are…trying to decide when it would be convenient to make time for something we think should be important but just haven’t gotten around…..
If convene means “to come together,” then inconvenient just means “not coming together.” This is probably why we struggle to get together; it’s not convenient, and we love convenience. People who thrive on convenience will never flourish within a community. Building structure and making time in our schedules is a muscle that needs to be worked. It’s a spiritual discipline. In the same way that a generous person doesn't really believe their money belongs to them, a community-focused person does not believe their time belongs to them. It’s given by God, and best regulated by a structure.
How do we build structure into our day so that we can maximize our fellowship within a community?
- Be available for community gatherings. Christians have historically left Sunday pretty open. We should, too. When we come and go at our own convenience we rob others of the chance to be seen, heard, and valued by our presence and words. Customizing a life that works for us but doesn’t work for others might leave us lonely in the end.
- Structure family time. Family comes first. But sometimes we use family as an excuse for saying ‘no’ to everything else (I confess, I’ve done this). We can prioritize family by having a regularly-scheduled date night with our spouse, fixed times with our kids, or family traditions (movie night, big weekend breakfast, or sporting events). This gives our family the attention they deserve without giving us a “get out of plans” card to lazily play on others.
- Take care of ourselves. We all need to carve out times for spiritual disciplines, exercise, and play. Sometimes the best time for this is when it doesn’t come at the expense of others. Early mornings, lunch breaks, and doing things when loved ones are occupied help us take care of ourselves without taking valuable time away from them.
In one episode in the Gospels, Jesus heals people and gains a following. But then he retreats (Luke 5:15-16). Jesus cannot serve his mission if he allows his life to be driven by the agenda of others. So he makes time for prayer (Mt. 14:23 ), solitude (John 6:15), and the synagogue (Luke 4:16). These are not listed as incidentals. The writers view them as habits (Luke says going to synagogue on the Sabbath was a custom of Jesus). We could call them structure.
Because Jesus has said “yes” to intimacy with his father and “yes” to the synagogue and “yes” to habits of soul-care, he can (and must) say “no” to the crowds.
It's fine to say "no," as long as we've said "yes" to what matters most.
